LeSpinster

I'm sure that in the thousands of (aggregate) hours we've spent in watching and reading N&S that we have all learned a little bit about life. Let's share! I'll start things off:

• Quality, not quantity is the rule for fashion (Margaret's hat!)
• Sometimes a simple handshake can be as thrilling as an embrace ( :'( )
• We silly young girls should never be depended on for constancy. (Courtesy of Mrs. Thornton.)

What have y'all learned?

Miltonian    

• Never spend the afternoon ironing when you are expecting visitors the same evening
• You can buy nice wallpaper in the North
• Never wave off relatives at railway stations
• Speculating is only successful if you're not a nice person
• Stew is a much underrated dish
• You can bring back marmosets from Mozambique
• Whenever your trains stops at a station - get off - just in case!
• You don't always need Henry to explain
• If you are interested in a man offer to invest in his company

Edith 

Excellent set of lessons, Miltonian … very witty! I'd add:

• They do things differently in the North (and very attractively, too!)
• Cotton is a much under-rated cloth. Ditto watch-chains!
• When the man you are attracted to asks "you're ill?" and looks at you like that, just say "yes" and faint into his arms.
• When the man you're in love with asks "so you are going, and never come back?" tell him to hang on a sec while you just nip out and cancel the cab.
• The air is not so clean in Milton/Manchester - but air pollution is a problem in most cities, and you'll soon get used to it!
• Don't interrupt your elders - they may be about to tell you something important!

and more seriously....

• The BBC is still one of the world's best institutions and the licence fee is more than worth it, to have given us N&S - a drama of a lifetime (THE TV drama of my lifetime!)

Keighleygirl
    
Lessons learnt:

• People bringing you baskets of any description is not a good sign . . .
• Neither is coughing . . .
• …or saying that you feel 'years younger'
• …Trains being on time and interrupting you mid snog is worse than the trains being delayed due to the wrong kind of leaves
• Rice thrown at weddings always goes down your top
• Fruit is not a suitable topic for small talk
• Whenever you are doing something that you shouldn't, there is invariably someone lurking in the shadows

Thomasine  

• Milton men, transported to the south, are in danger of rusting.
• Milton men are a little unsure of the mechanics of dabbling.
• You have to look hard to find roses in the hedgerow.
• You can do more harm than good with a basket.
• Telling someone you wish to marry them because you love them is more effective when you're not shouting and chasing them round a table.

Welshvalley 

• Never ask your mother and sister to visit new neighbours.
• Never take on foreign workers when you're already fully staffed.
• Don't go borrowing a bed from newly found friends – you may end up with a marriage proposal.
• Don't ask friends to pass on messages to your family when you're away - send a telegram instead.
• Don't hang visitor's coats and hats on hallstands - their presence may upset other visitors.
• Don't collect too many books - causes problems for your family when you pass on.
• Don't carry baskets of fruit through Milton if you're a leading businessman - you look a prat.

lye01       

• During dinner parties, its best to talk about the table decorations and not tackle the logics of politics and sociology.
• Bracelets are a handy item to attract a person you're probably determined to dislike.
• It's a good idea not to let your head get between a stone and a millowner. It's bound to get bloody.
• Be nice to your godfather, you never know when he might leave you all his money.
• You can never go back..... unless it's with a millowner heading up north to Milton.

deansay49

Crikey all the best ones have been thought up...here's my meager offering:

• Beware of hating a man on first sight....you know you will always fall in love with him in the end
• Beware of being in the presence of handsome men who remove their cravats ...your life will never be the same again.

Remontant     

• Always work in a mill approved by the Occupational Health and Safety Administration
• When facing an angry mob, wear protective headgear (preferably a Kevlar-lined bonnet)
• Never lie to a policeman--unless a magistrate's in love with you and the officer suspects it
• Always Look Back

Dreamcat       

• Smoking is dangerous: you could end up getting your butt kicked in by an angry millowner.
• When you travel to strange places, put your money in a bum bag. If you carry it in your handbag it is liable to be snatched by unruly mill workers.
• Be nice to cold, bossy women. One of them could end up as your mother in law.
• Never stand in front of an angry mob. You are likely to have a ruddy big rock thrown at you which lands squarely on your temple.
• If you do decide to stand in front of an angry mob, make sure that a TDHMO (Tall Dark Handsome Mill Owner) is available to carry you to safety. ;D

Thomasine       

A single woman in search of a husband should always carry a loaded chequebook when travelling by rail.

RedQueen

Goodness, I thought we'd exhausted all the possibilities for funny threads about N&S but I'm delighted to find this is not the case - wow, people are on good form today! Can't resist adding my four penn'oth although they are rather burnt offerings when compared to some of the gems on here.

• If you really want a man to cool his ardour, accepting his invitation to dinner and turning up in a tight green frock showing all your charms to advantage isn't the right way to go about it.
• Think carefully about making marriage proposals as a refusal often offends.
• It is a truth universally acknowledged that a Victorian damsel, finding herself alone with a man to whom she is not related, must be in receipt of a marriage proposal within 90 seconds.
• If you value your health it's always a risky proposition to accost a fugitive from justice when he's trying to flee the country.
• Silence is not golden (women): if you get yourself cast as a pretty woman in a costume drama, with a fair amount of screen time but no dialogue, you're probably a plot device.
• Silence is not golden (men): if you want to get your hands on the comely heroine, don't hang around waiting for "the time to be right" because while you're still waiting, your rival will be grabbing his opportunities. Amongst other things ...
• You can never have too many tablecloths.
• Plaid trousers are never a good idea. Under any circumstances.